I ran into my middle school bully.

I have written about this on my blog before and it can be a heavy and sensitive topic but I want to write about it because it might end up helping someone. And all I want in life is to help people. I think that’s why I am so connected with the universe, is because my life purpose to help and heal people. I share my real life stories with others so they can find some hope or light in the situation. I want to be that proof that life gets better, and it does, as cliche as it sounds, life gets better.

I was a target of bullying when I was 13 years old. The bully was actually very popular, he played on the football team, was possibly in the student council, and had a lot of friends. So when I told people what he did, no one believed me. It was hard and I felt extremely alone.

It still haunts me to this day. It’s almost been ten years, but I think about every. single. day. I still don’t understand why, or how, or who else was involved, but it happened and it still happens to kids from elementary school to college. People are still getting targeted for online bullying, it needs to stop.

I still talk about it to this day because in some weird way, it helps me grow and develop into a better person. By me sharing my story, if it can help one kid, then it’s all worth it to me.

I was very angry, depressed, and confused after the incident. I felt extremely hopeless and lost, and I was at the tender age of 13 years old where everything and everyone is complicated. But telling a 13 year old she should kill herself is the icing on the cake.

I told this person I forgave him at prom, and even wrote a public letter about it two years ago. The letter helped me release the anger that was bottled up for so many years because I finally got to say what I needed to say. A little cliche, but I felt a weight lift off from my shoulders after I sent the letter to him.

I told myself, “I am not going to let this person get to me. I am smart enough. I am beautiful. I am fun and funny, and people like me. I know my worth, because I know who I am”.

People that bully are cowards. I feel bad for him, because he must have insecurities that are so bad, that he feels the need to take it out on others. I pray for him, which is also ironic considering he went to same Catholic church as me.

After I released the letter was also right around the time I started to learn about crystals, mediation, healing, and spirituality. Discovering myself and finally finding my happiness, changed my life for the better. I live such a positive, and healthy life now. I no longer feel like I am trapped, consistently feeling judged and feeling like a target. I could finally express myself in ways that made me feel good. I started to let go of the guilt, anger I was holding onto.

I am writing about all of this, because I ran into him tonight at a bar. Honestly, I was taken back and I really didn’t want to see him or talk to him. I was trying to avoid him. But he caught me off guard and said, “Hi, Tory.” and I said hi back. I’m pretty sure I gave him an eye roll. Great. I was surprised he said anything to me considering he had a lot to say on the Internet but never talked to me in high school. I honestly didn’t mean for it to come out so fiercely, but it did.

I was chatting with his friend, and his friend told me, that he feels bad about what he did and he thinks about it every day and my answer back was, GOOD. I didn’t deserve that to happen to me, and no one deserves to be a target. I told his buddy, I believe in karma, what goes around comes around. I’m in a good place, I am happy, I am healthy, I am blessed, I am grateful, I am surrounded by love and I have love to offer to the world. I help people at the end of the day.

This is why I am writing about this. I just want this to be a lesson to anyone who has been hurt by their peers, and who have thought about ending their life over bullying, life gets better.

There are consequences to your actions, my bully has to live for the rest of his life knowing that I almost took mine. But I will NEVER let him get the best of me. I will never let anyone get the best of me, because I know my worth.

Find your voice, find your worth, set yourself free.

Anyone who is struggling, remember you are loved. I love you! 

xoxo,

Tory Lava

P.S. if anyone needs to talk, I am hear to listen completely confidential. ❤

 

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