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(Image from Elisita Photography Words Can Kill Anti-Bullying Session)
I wrote a letter and published it on my personal facebook page as well as sending it to my bully two years ago. I was bullied 9 years ago in middle school, where I was contemplating suicide over it. I wrote and wanted to share this letter because I was living in the dark and blaming myself for it for years. I had to raise my voice on the subject let people know I am not broken from this.
The letter helped healed me and I hope it would help other struggling with themselves. It was the most beautiful thing in the world when I received positive messages saying how proud they were for stepping forward and sharing my story. I had parents contact me saying the letter helped their daughter or son going through a similar situation.
Being bullied lead me into a very deep depressional state and I suffered from anxiety and panic attacks for years on end. I didn’t have any self-love, self-respect or self-esteem for myself. I isolated myself from my classmates and peers and was socially awkward because I was living in fear that people would be mean to me. This situation happened when I was in 8th grade, my last year of middle school. The text message I received from a group of boys all were the cool kids, football player type of guys, class presidents, overall they were considered the role models and even went to local church youth groups. It still amazes me how these kids can tell a 13-year-old girl that she’s ugly, fat, no one kills her and should kill herself.
Their actions against me were never punished, this wasn’t a “boys will be boys” situation because boys will not be boys they should be held accountable for their actions. I went to my school counselor and she even told me there was nothing they can do because it didn’t happen on school property.
With the help of spiritualism, healing methods, mediation, and my never-ending journey of self-love I am so proud of myself and happy for myself because I am beautiful, I am loved, and I am good.
I am living proof that IT DOES GET BETTER. I was considering ending my life that day, and I am so beyond happy that I did not do that to myself, my friends, or my family. I now live my life in the love and the light in the world, I help other people, I help animals, and I continue to be a positive role model in a world that is so often considered dark and cold. You can be the change, but it starts within you. I hope this letter helps you in the same way, shape or form, maybe you can relate to it, maybe you can share it. But thank you for spending the time to read it, and in case no one told you today, you are beautiful and you are loved.
A Letter To My Bully,
It’s hard to believe what you texted me was seven years ago. It just doesn’t feel like it was seven years ago. It feels like just yesterday I received a message stating how ugly, how fat, how unloved I was. I just felt hated and weak. I know now that I am none of those things. My tears turned into anger and I never understood why. What was the motivation behind it? You don’t have to answer that because I don’t want to know anymore.
You know, that day I thought about taking my life. Could you image that? The heads lines would read, “Young girl takes her life over a text message she received from a bully.” You would have been at fault. You could have been charged at age 13. You could have gone to court over a suicide, and you could have been blamed. Who knows what people would’ve said about you… Your friends, classmates, the school, the town, your family. If I had killed myself that day… what would they say about you?
If I had killed myself that day, I would’ve never gone to high school, been a cheerleader, volunteered with the special education students. I wouldn’t have gone to a high school football game, hockey game, soccer game. I wouldn’t have attended junior/senior prom, gone snowboarding, learned to knit, done Tae Kwon Do. I wouldn’t have gotten to see my siblings graduate high school and college, and I wouldn’t have gone to college. There would have been a lot of “never”s if I had killed myself, and you would have been the one to blame.
Aren’t you glad that I didn’t do that? You never got in trouble for your actions, but I suffered from social anxiety and depression for over 7 years. I’ve learned to cope with it, but I like to take my story and pass it along to others that need help. I try to give hope and advice to others who have been in my shoes. But even after all these years, I still wake up and think about what you said to me, but I also think about how god damn happy I am that I didn’t take my life then and there.
I got into college and I’m still attending. I’m going to graduate in about a year and a half, even though you made fun of me for having a learning disability. I’m getting great grades and I even have a job that I love to do. I work at a concert venue and book national headliners. I work hands-on with some of my favorite artists, and I get to interview popular bands and celebrities for a website.
You made fun of the way I look, and how my body is. You said I would never have a boyfriend because “I’m so fucking ugly”. Well, I have been with the most incredible man I could ever ask for, for over a year now. He loves me for who I am, supports my dreams and passions and calls me beautiful. Every. Single. Day.
You made fun of my asthma. I may have breathing problems once in a while, but I still work out every day. I ran a 5K over the summer, and have been snowboarding since 7th grade.
My life now is so beautiful now, and I thank God for every single day. I pray for the people that lost their lives over someone being mean to them because no one deserves that.
I wish no harm on you what so ever, but I bet that one day you’ll wake up with a family, and you’ll have kids of your own. And I hope your kid asks you, “Daddy have you ever been bullied?” And if you have any decency in you, you’ll say “No child, I was the bully. I was the one being mean to people, and I was wrong.“ And maybe one day you’ll tell them my story, and you tell them what you said to me. How mean you were to me. Then you let them know how I have learned to grow. Learned to cope. You let them know that I overcome your harsh words and that I am so happy and successful now. You let them know that I am a much better person than you will ever be in your life. And maybe, one day, you’ll have to call some kid’s parents, because they were teasing, being mean, or harassing your child. Then you’ll feel exactly how my parents felt. Your child will feel exactly how I felt.
Best of luck to you in life, because you’ll need it.
Thank you for reading my blog, there is a lot more to come about my journey to self-love and success. Please remember that you are beautiful, you are loved, you are worthy, you are strong, and you can do anything you put your mind too. Life is too short. If you are suffering from depression or anxiety, or are thinking about ending your life, I am here to tell you there is hope, because I am living proof you can take a bad situation and turn it into a positive one.
P.S. I promise my next blog post won’t be as heavy. Thank you again for reading about my life. ❤